Two Roads Diverged…
Honestly, the past three months have been the wildest things I have ever experienced (and my life thus far has been anything but boring). As we grow up, we are constantly presented with the next step - primary school to secondary school, to university, to graduate school or your first “real” job. Getting married, buying a house, and having children. Retirement. It sometimes feels as though our entire story has been written for us, especially as your checklist of must-dos gets smaller and smaller. After finishing graduate school in May, I thought I knew what my next step was supposed to be. Move on to a big, fancy design firm in New York City, as the rest of my peers had done. I landed a job quite quickly, and it ended as fast as it started.
I’ve reached the point in my life where I am too tired to follow the script. My soul has weakened to the point of nearly breaking more times than I can count. Enough is enough.
Thankfully, I am blessed with a supportive partner and the privilege to abandon a job that makes me unhappy. This is something I am grateful for every minute of every day, as I know there are so many out there who are not this lucky. I want to make a difference in the world, no matter how small. But I want to do it my way. Hopefully someday I’ll understand exactly how. For now, I am exploring the alternate road, looking for signs and remaining open to new opportunities.
I want to speak about the moment I realized that I was headed in the wrong direction, with the goal that it may give others the illumination they need to realign themselves.
I woke up at 4 in the morning on June 1, wide awake with the sudden realization that I was ready to start my business. Just a week before I had been speaking with a good friend, expressing that I was not ready to go off of my own yet. I thought I needed confidence. What I really needed, however, was a bit of silence. The days leading up to my epiphany were full of quiet thought. What do I actually want? I didn’t know. Who do I want to be five, or ten years from now? That was something I could answer. I wanted to be independent, successful, in charge of my own schedule and my own creative pursuits. I wanted to be collaborating with others when I felt like it, and working solo when I needed my own time.
Okay. With the image of my dream life firmly planted in my head, next I had to figure out how I would get there. Doubts held me back at first - typically people go off on their own after a successful career elsewhere. They bring clients with them, and extensive knowledge of the trade. But if I wanted (needed) all of this freedom five to ten years from now, working for somebody else would not suffice. It became clear that I would need to do this the hard way, with unsteady footing and endless fear.
Did it feel good? At first, yes. I was high in the very specific way you get high when you have realigned your life with your dreams. There is nothing like it. Once the business was started, the website built, and the plan created, things took a turn. Now that I was ready for my new career, there was a fairly large problem. I had no clients. I had no money for advertising, so I had to rely on word of mouth. While that’s the best way to find great clients, it’s also an incredibly slow process. It has been a journey filled with debilitating self-doubt, crushing sacrifice, and insatiable impatience.
Did it work? Absolutely. As tough as some of my days are now, I am finally happy. I can proceed with the confidence that I’ve made the right choices, and that my heart is full and happy. I’ve worked with a handful of clients on very small projects, but I believe that with time this will grow into a larger network, with more complex projects.
If you have been following this blog since the beginning, you’ve likely noticed the change in, well, everything. As I mentioned earlier, I have entered a phase of exploration. It appears to be a “throw sh*t at the wall and see what sticks” time in my life, and I am doing my best not to fight it. You won’t believe what your heart and soul will whisper to you when you give them the chance to speak.
Along this journey, the blog is not the only thing that will be changing. While my business structure is remaining the same (it came from the heart and therefor has tremendous staying power), the content I’m sharing and the way I’m sharing it are changing. Previously, I was following the structure other interior designers set in place: blog posts about their homes, instagram images of their best projects, and life updates along the way. I never truly felt at home in the interior design niche, whether during my studies or on social media. It felt forced, and inauthentic. I felt so little of me was coming through in those pictures and captions.
So I made another strange decision. I stopped posting on my design account, and created a new account that was purely myself. I picked up photography, as a hobby instead of a chore. I write about my feelings (a huge no-no when you’re trying to market your business), my world views (another risky move), and the things that I love. This blog is going to follow suit. I’ve created three new categories: Home, Lifestyle, and Essays. Each is broad on purpose. I want the freedom to write about anything that I think is important, useful, or fun.
I truly hope that you’ll enjoy my future content more than my past content, as it is so much more authentic and in my opinion, interesting. If not, I harbor absolutely no hard feelings if you decide to unfollow. I’m so excited to embrace this change.
As always, thank you for reading.
All my love,
Nicki
Postscript: my new instagram handle is @enchantedhomeaesthetics. It’s also linked by the instagram logo on this website. I’m hanging on to my design account for a later date when I have more projects to show.
Post Postscript: as the seasons dictate our lives, so too will they dictate my content. Expect many references to the upcoming autumn season in the near future.
